During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
