your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
