his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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