I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
is it fun? or sober?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
