i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
