I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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