take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
