I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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