I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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