Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
