she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
