Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
