Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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