I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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