And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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