you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
