Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
