we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
