he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
