Tell her she can't have a vagina
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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