If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
