her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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