So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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