Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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