I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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