I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
