Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
