Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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