His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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