She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
