the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
