never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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