I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
