had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
