tell your sister to shave her snatch
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
