you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
