I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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