Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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