My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
