Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
