I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
