Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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