the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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