i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
even my farts smell like vagina
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
