easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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