Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
