Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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