everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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