are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
