it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
