Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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