i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Randomize
