I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
