do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
