I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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