small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
