Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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