maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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