He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
