I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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