my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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