Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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