It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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