I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
