he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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