four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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